When the Holidays Feel Quiet: Coping with Loneliness and Creating New Traditions
The winter holidays are often described as “the most wonderful time of the year.” Yet for many, this season can feel anything but joyful. According to Statistics Canada’s 2021 Canadian Social Survey, about 13% of Canadians aged 15 and older reported always or often feeling lonely, while another 30% said they sometimes felt lonely. It’s not hard to imagine these numbers rising during the holidays, when cultural expectations and seasonal changes collide.
Why Loneliness Feels Stronger in Winter Holidays
High expectations: The holidays are marketed as joyful, family-centered times. When reality doesn’t match these kinds of expectations, feelings of isolation often grow.
Memories of loss: Seasonal traditions can stir grief for loved ones who are no longer present, or even relationships that have changed over time.
Family strain: Complex family dynamics, unresolved conflicts, or estrangement can make gatherings stressful rather than joyful.
Shorter days & colder weather: Reduced daylight and limited outdoor activity can worsen mood and make isolation harder to bear.
Acknowledging these realities is important. Holiday struggles aren’t simply about loneliness—they’re shaped by social, emotional, financial, and seasonal factors. If any of this resonates with you, know that you are far from alone.
So, What Can We Do?
Adjust expectations: Give yourself permission to feel whatever arises—sadness, overwhelm, disappointment, or even relief. Allow space for an “imperfect holiday” and redefine joy on your own terms. Maybe it’s savoring small, meaningful moments rather than chasing large gatherings. Adjusting expectations doesn’t mean lowering joy; it means reshaping the holidays to fit your reality. Instead of viewing them as a test of belonging, see them as an opportunity to focus on what feels authentic and nourishing for you.
Create New Traditions: If old traditions no longer serve you, let this season be a chance to create new ones. Try cooking or baking a recipe you’ve never tried, volunteer in your community, or rekindle creative passions you’ve set aside. Traditions don’t have to be grand—they just need to feel aligned with your values and bring you comfort.
Practice Self-Care: At its core, self-care is about how we are attending to our basic human needs: eating, sleeping, movement, and connecting. Here are a few points to consider:
Eating: Listen to your body’s hunger and fullness cues. Add more nutrient-rich foods where you can, and give yourself permission to eat the foods that bring you joy.
Sleeping: Aim for a relatively consistent sleep schedule. Limit naps, especially if you notice that they impact your evening sleep. Take stock of your bedroom and make any necessary changes that may help facilitate better sleep, such as making sure your room is dark, and screens can be turned off/removed from that environment.
Movement: Aim to do some kind of movement every day, be it gentle stretching, a walk, cardio workout, or strength training. Pair this with some time outdoors for an extra mood-boost!
Connecting: Get creative around how you connect with your friends, family, and others throughout the holiday season. Perhaps there are people you could reach out to whom you haven’t spoken to in awhile; arrange a virtual movie-watching night; are there opportunities to help out others in your community, such as volunteering or helping a neighbour who might need assistance; maybe even simply spending time around others at a coffee shop or the library could also be of benefit.
Embrace Solitude: Being alone doesn’t need to be “isolation” but about solitude, meaning enjoying time on your own and taking time to reflect and recharge as we head into a new year. Solitude is a great opportunity to reconnect to things which used to bring you joy or energize you, like creative passions, projects, or hobbies which excite you. It can also be a time to try something new or focus on things that feel comforting or cozy. Finally, give yourself some compassion. Ask yourself: What would I say to a friend in my situation? Then offer that same kindness to yourself
In Conclusion
Loneliness during the winter holidays is not a personal failing—it’s a human experience shaped by cultural expectations, memories, and seasonal changes. By adjusting expectations, creating new traditions, practicing self-care, and embracing solitude, you can soften the sting of isolation and create a season that feels more nurturing.
